There were so many positive responses to my last post that I venture to add some thoughts on how to stay free of depression.
The uncomfortable truth is that after a second or third episode of depression, most people are likely to be depressed again. (I’m not talking here of periods when we may feel a bit miserable or below par, or feeling sad following events such as a bereavement. If you are not sure what depression is, I recommend the Black Dog series of books by Matthew Johnstone or if you prefer a more clinical approach, visit the NHS page on clinical depression.)
On the brighter side, we now know much more than ever before about recovery and relapse is no longer inevitable. As someone who has experienced several episodes of depression (dating back to when I was ten years old) I have a lot invested in relapse prevention. It’s taken me a lifetime to put together the first aid kit that now keeps me well. I welcome you exploring the contents, but I recommend you construct your own. Pack it full when you are well, and unzip it when you feel a little bit vulnerable.
ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE VULNERABLE TO DEPRESSION.
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. When we recover we want to forget that dark period. We fear that dwelling on it may cause us to slide into it again. The opposite is true. Accepting that we are likely to experience occasional low moods can be a powerful tool in avoiding falling into a full-blown depression.
Acceptance is not resignation or helplessness; rather it means we are fully aware of what is actually present and can be wise in our approach to dealing with the symptoms. For example, the low mood may be present because we have just been through a very tough time – the wise response is not to expect too much of ourselves at the moment, but rather to focus on self-care and self-compassion.
KNOW YOUR WARNING SIGNS
I imagine that we all have a different range of warning signs. Mine tend to be a marked increase in anxiety, an unreasonable concern about my physical health, a feeling of being overwhelmed by events and a growing sense that every effort is futile. What are yours?
Once we know our warning signs it can be tempting to see them as evidence that we will inevitably become depressed. Try instead to see them as useful messages, like road signs, prompting us to take avoiding action.
TELL A TRUSTED FRIEND THAT YOU ARE FEELING VULNERABLE
This is really tough for most of us. It can feel such a shaming, selfish thing to admit. But that feeling that we are unworthy of attention, love and belonging can be a warning sign. Our friend can reassure us that we are not being selfish – that in caring for ourselves we are actually doing the best we can to care for others. And if possible, share with your friend or a medical practitioner your darkest fears and worst experiences. Naming the experience can rob it of its power.
PRACTICE NOTICING STUFF
It doesn’t really matter what you notice. It could be the pattern of clouds in the sky, the reflection of lights on a windowpane, the chill in your fingertips. Focus in on the senses as you do this. Ask yourself, ‘What am I touching, tasting, smelling, hearing?’ This practice can help us reach through the glass wall that is beginning to separate us from our actual experience.
STAY CONNECTED
Once we are in full blown depression, it may be impossible for us to be in social situations, but when we are in a low mood, we may simply experience a desire to cancel a lunch date with a friend, or go to bed early to avoid being with our partner. If possible, stay connected, go about as much of your ordinary routine as possible.
DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE
For me, it would almost always be gardening, or just being in the fresh air. For you it may be dancing, listening to music or cooking. Do a little bit of whatever makes you feel energised, connected and at peace.
WRITE
Ellen Arnison’s excellent book, Blogging for Happiness says this much better than I can. Of course, it doesn’t have to be a blog; it could be a journal, a letter to a friend, or even a piece of fiction. Communicate your experience and thoughts on paper and if you dare, share them. If you are not surprised, touched and delighted with the warmth of the response, I’ll eat the paper I wrote this on.
The uncomfortable truth is that after a second or third episode of depression, most people are likely to be depressed again. (I’m not talking here of periods when we may feel a bit miserable or below par, or feeling sad following events such as a bereavement. If you are not sure what depression is, I recommend the Black Dog series of books by Matthew Johnstone or if you prefer a more clinical approach, visit the NHS page on clinical depression.)
On the brighter side, we now know much more than ever before about recovery and relapse is no longer inevitable. As someone who has experienced several episodes of depression (dating back to when I was ten years old) I have a lot invested in relapse prevention. It’s taken me a lifetime to put together the first aid kit that now keeps me well. I welcome you exploring the contents, but I recommend you construct your own. Pack it full when you are well, and unzip it when you feel a little bit vulnerable.
ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE VULNERABLE TO DEPRESSION.
This isn’t as easy as it sounds. When we recover we want to forget that dark period. We fear that dwelling on it may cause us to slide into it again. The opposite is true. Accepting that we are likely to experience occasional low moods can be a powerful tool in avoiding falling into a full-blown depression.
Acceptance is not resignation or helplessness; rather it means we are fully aware of what is actually present and can be wise in our approach to dealing with the symptoms. For example, the low mood may be present because we have just been through a very tough time – the wise response is not to expect too much of ourselves at the moment, but rather to focus on self-care and self-compassion.
KNOW YOUR WARNING SIGNS
I imagine that we all have a different range of warning signs. Mine tend to be a marked increase in anxiety, an unreasonable concern about my physical health, a feeling of being overwhelmed by events and a growing sense that every effort is futile. What are yours?
Once we know our warning signs it can be tempting to see them as evidence that we will inevitably become depressed. Try instead to see them as useful messages, like road signs, prompting us to take avoiding action.
TELL A TRUSTED FRIEND THAT YOU ARE FEELING VULNERABLE
This is really tough for most of us. It can feel such a shaming, selfish thing to admit. But that feeling that we are unworthy of attention, love and belonging can be a warning sign. Our friend can reassure us that we are not being selfish – that in caring for ourselves we are actually doing the best we can to care for others. And if possible, share with your friend or a medical practitioner your darkest fears and worst experiences. Naming the experience can rob it of its power.
PRACTICE NOTICING STUFF
It doesn’t really matter what you notice. It could be the pattern of clouds in the sky, the reflection of lights on a windowpane, the chill in your fingertips. Focus in on the senses as you do this. Ask yourself, ‘What am I touching, tasting, smelling, hearing?’ This practice can help us reach through the glass wall that is beginning to separate us from our actual experience.
STAY CONNECTED
Once we are in full blown depression, it may be impossible for us to be in social situations, but when we are in a low mood, we may simply experience a desire to cancel a lunch date with a friend, or go to bed early to avoid being with our partner. If possible, stay connected, go about as much of your ordinary routine as possible.
DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE
For me, it would almost always be gardening, or just being in the fresh air. For you it may be dancing, listening to music or cooking. Do a little bit of whatever makes you feel energised, connected and at peace.
WRITE
Ellen Arnison’s excellent book, Blogging for Happiness says this much better than I can. Of course, it doesn’t have to be a blog; it could be a journal, a letter to a friend, or even a piece of fiction. Communicate your experience and thoughts on paper and if you dare, share them. If you are not surprised, touched and delighted with the warmth of the response, I’ll eat the paper I wrote this on.